Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Let's just keep this professional

I've always had a pretty good sense of direction. I rarely get lost, and if I do, I do so on purpose as a challenge to find my way out of it. When my family used to take road trips to Myrtle Beach each summer, my mother would try to navigate and tell my dad where to go. I would be in the backseat directing "Nope. Make a RIGHT, not a left" And they would make a left. And we would end up in Dillon, South Carolina or some strange little tobacco-farming town. (Mom and Dad- if you're reading this, I really had no intention of throwing you under the proverbial bus. You both are great drivers. Really. Thank you for keeping me safe for the first 16 years of my life in the backseat of our family station wagons and minivans.)

I like exploring, I love being able to give people on the street directions, and most of all I like knowing where I'm going. In New York, I memorized the subway map the first week I moved there. I figured out which streets were one-way and which ones ran north and which ones ran south, even though I didn't own a car. The *only* place I can never figure out is Queens. There is a 31st Road, 31st Avenue, 31st Street, 31st Lane, 31st Drive....you get the idea....pure confusion.

At any rate, I was re-reading some old archived myspace blogs from 2007 and decided to revive portions of this particular blog about direction.....One day I was watching Family Guy followed by Robot Chicken. For some reason I never really liked the latter, but the one I saw had me chuckling.

This man decided to date his GPS. They went to dinner and she would say things like:
"Waiter approaching from behind."
"Kitchen 20 feet to your right."
"Yield to the guy bussing the table."

For some reason this cracked me up to no end. Then they split up and the GPS said Turn Left and Ms. Magellan's "boyfriend", drove his car over a cliff.

And then there was a commercial where a man told his GPS "I love you." After she didn't reply to that for awhile, she finally said "Make a right at the light."

His reply: "You're right, we should just keep this relationship on a professional level."

The few times I have had a GPS in a rental car, I've enjoyed maintaining a witty rapport with her. I turn the opposite way on purpose so she could tell me over and over again "recalculating, recalculating, recalculating." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. I know. The last GPS I had was in the fall and I affectionately named her "Tara", because she had multiple personalities. (Does anyone watch that show with Toni Collette and know what I'm referring to?) I also believe the GPS "Tara" also had a stroke, because she often got confused and her voice would get strange. I did enjoy when she would try to feign an Australian accent, however. You didn't fool me Tara with your Aussie personality. I know you were really just from Ohio or the midwest or somewhere.

So back to having a good sense of direction.... I thought I did. Scratch that. I think I do. But lately I'm a little off as to where I'm going right now. In a metaphorical and physical sense. I'm recalculating. Recalculating my entire life. It's daunting, really.

As a matter of fact I don't even own a global positioning system. I kind of just figure things out. Made it around North Carolina without ending up in any strange tobacco-farming towns. (Although, this very fact is debatable. What qualifies as "strange" to me, not everyone may agree with.)

So although I'm not in limbo per-se, I really haven't had much to say lately because I have all of these crossroads in front of me, and I'm not certain which one is right. It's like Queens. I don't know if I'm on lane, avenue, street, drive, or parkway. Whatever. I'll figure it out in a New York minute. And I plan to have some more to blog about soon for everyone. In the meantime, maybe I should go after Tom-Tom...... Or not. I think it is probably best to indeed keep it professional.