Monday, June 29, 2009

It's all part of my Rock & Roll Fantasy

Here come the jesters, one, two, three.
It's all part of my fantasy,
I love the music and I love to see the crowd,
Dancing in the aisles and singing out loud,
yeah
.
Its all part of my rock 'n' roll fantasy,
yeah
.
Its all part of my rock 'n' roll dream, yeah.
-Bad Company

Over the weekend I went upstate to the Catskills to see Bad Company at Bethel Woods, and they were fantastic. (Thank you Cheryl and Dara!)

Bethel Woods is the place in upstate NY where Woodstock happened. And it felt exactly like Woodstock must have felt and smelled a lot like Woodstock must have smelled, because everyone around me was smoking some weed. I don't know if I just really loved the show or if I just had a contact high. Ironically and quite appropriately the Doobie Brothers were there too, touring with Bad Company. See how it all fits together? Everyone around me smoking doobies listening to the Doobies.

Now I'm back from the country. Doing all this mundane, yet necessary stuff on my day off, like going to the DMV, and to the laundromat, and to the Dentist. I've also been picking up side-gigs on the weekends. I don't know if you guys remember, but I do Liquor and other Promotions on the side. (See blog archives from December). Unfortunately the liquor promos have been few and far between lately, so I've resorted to doing sampling at Costco in Queens for Vaseline lotion. Squirting a dab of Vaseline into consumer's hands and convincing them how wonderful and non-greasy it feels. It's so gentle on the skin. And the fragrance is so light and fresh. (Am I convincing you yet?)

Let me tell you how much of a freak show Costco in Queens is. It is pure entertainment to do these demos and to watch the people who shop at these sorts of places. First of all, a little dab'll do ya! A DAB! There are crazy folks who love free things, so they roll up their sleeves and their pants and spread that Vaseline all over their bodies. You would think they were entering a mud wrestling contest, except instead of mud, they use Vaseline lotion. It is quite comical.

And then we've got the Over-Zealous door guard. I was given a tshirt to wear for the promotion, and as I was walking out to the bathroom to put it on, she came chasing after me, banging on the stall wanting to see the receipt for the shirt. Ummm....lady, I wouldn't pay to wear this shirt, they are paying ME to put on this ridiculous thing and squirt lotion into people's hands.

Then there's the Nutso Manager who couldn't figure out where my Vaseline cart should be, so he kept moving me around and finally he settled for putting me next to Men's shirts.

A great place for a Vaseline demonstration, if I do say so myself. The day after that the Men's shirts were mysteriously gone, so I strategically placed myself in the same spot, which now had Charcoal. The Manager did *not* like the Vaseline demo next to the Charcoal so I get moved.....moved next to the Diapers and Baby Wipes. Of COURSE! Why wouldn't I be there?

Costco also has this smell....it's a combination of soggy cardboard and oranges. It is kind of nostalgic for me, because I used to work at the Giant Eagle in high school and every grocery store has that smell. But for Costco you have to mix in the smell of electronics with that. Where else can you buy some tires, a bulk 6 pack of 2 gallons of mik, some Vaseline, a 42 inch flat screen, and some charcoal? I think if you look hard enough, they even sell parakeets there. But most of all it smells like damp cardboard and oranges.

Standing there in the cardboard/citrus scented aisles next to charcoal and diapers, I get bored after six hours of squirting Vaseline. So I create little games for myself. I tally the number of pregnant women, the number of Vaseline sold, and the number of people who sneeze. Costco is a haven for pregnant women, but usually the Vaseline tallies win.

What an absolutely entertaining life I lead.

So I've created some fantasies of where I want to be. These include owning a home with a terrace and a grill, traveling around the world (oh wait- been there, done that), and meeting the man of my dreams, like James Bond or Superman.



See?

My fantasies are becoming so real.

2 comments:

Buddy said...

Is Paul Rodgers still with Bad Co.?

Buddy said...

BTW, the Pierce Brosnan 'shop almost looks real. Kudos.